Ponderables
* I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.


* Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a
valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.


* The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.


* Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.


* There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.


* Life is sexually transmitted.


* Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.


* The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.


* Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile
when you see one tumble down the stairs.


* Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.


* Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like
they used to?


* Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again


* All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.


* In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take
Prozac to make it normal.


* How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a
campfire?


* Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things
here, and drink whatever comes out?"


* Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?


* If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?



If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?


* Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?


* Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on
a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?


* Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?


* Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

category: general  date entered: 2006-11-13