Paraprosdokian Examples
Paraprosdokianis a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is
surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret
the first part.

* Do not argue with an idiot; he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

* The last thing I want to do is hurt you; but it's still on the list.

* Light travels faster than sound; this is why some people appear bright until you hear them
speak.

* If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

* We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

* If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?

* War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

* Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

* The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

* I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like his
passengers.

* Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a
car.

* To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

* A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I
have a work station.

* How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a
campfire?

* Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars but check when you say
the paint is wet?

* Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?

* Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually
another woman.

* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

* You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

* The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

* Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

* A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward
to the trip.

* Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

* Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

* Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

* When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

* A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

* There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

* "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." ?Groucho Marx

* "A modest man, who has much to be modest about." ?Winston Churchill

* "She looks as though she's been poured into her clothes, and forgot to say 'when'." ?P. G.
Wodehouse

* "I like going to the park and watching the children run around because they don't know I'm
using blanks." ?Emo Phillips

* "If I could say a few words, I'd be a better public speaker." ?Homer Simpson

* "I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long." ?Mitch Hedberg

* "I sleep eight hours a day and at least ten at night." ?Bill Hicks

* Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

* Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on
the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

* I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted pay checks.

* I used to be indecisive. Now I?m not sure.


category: general  date entered: 2011-05-02