One-Liners
All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

If the world was a logical place, men would ride horses side-saddle.

A beggar asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able
to edge his car onto a freeway.

Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

My weight is perfect for my height - which varies.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

How can there be self-help "groups"?

The speed of time is one-second per second.

Is it possible to be totally partial?

What's another word for thesaurus?

If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

Is Lenin's tomb a communist plot?

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his
pants off.

It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn't a horse.

Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

category: general  date entered: 2012-02-04