Turbines vs Reciprocating Engines
We gotta get rid of turbines, they are ruining aviation. We need to go back to big round engines. Anybody
can start a turbine, you just need to move a switch from "OFF" to "START," and then remember to move it
back to "ON" after a while. My PC is harder to start.

Cranking a round engine requires skill, finesse and style. On some planes, the pilots are not even allowed
to do it.

Turbines start by whining for a while, then give a small lady-like poot and start whining louder.

Round engines give a satisfying rattle-rattle, click-click BANG, more rattles, another BANG, a big macho
fart or two, more clicks, a lot of smoke and finally a serious low pitched roar. We like that. It's a guy thing.
When you start a round engine, your mind is engaged and you can concentrate on the flight ahead.

Starting a turbine is like flicking on a ceiling fan: Useful, but hardly exciting. Turbines don't break often
enough, leading to aircrew boredom, complacency and inattention. A round engine at speed looks and
sounds like it's going to blow at any minute. This helps concentrate the mind. Turbines don't have enough
control levers to keep a pilot's attention. There's nothing to fiddle with during the flight.

Turbines smell like a Boy Scout camp full of Coleman lanterns. Round engines smell like God intended
flying machines to smell.

think I hear the nurse coming down the hall. I gotta go.

category: aviation  date entered: 2005-12-20