Hiring Freeze on Naval Aviators
United Airlines Imposes Hiring Freeze on Naval Aviators

CHICAGO, IL — New airplane liveries aren’t the only change coming to United Airlines. In
the midst of a vast airline pilot shortage, United Airlines spokeswoman Janine Davidson
announced earlier today that the airline is considering not offering new pilot positions to
former Navy and Marine Aviators. This comes in the wake of last week’s incident involving
United Flight 2921 from Orlando to Milwaukee that left two passengers hospitalized and
dozens of others stunned. The United Airlines Boeing 737 was piloted by two former Naval
Aviators—an F/A-18C and E-2D pilot.
“The plane came down so hard, I soiled myself,” reported passenger Dale Gordons of Lake
Okeechobee, FL. United Flight Attendant Stacie Sommers, working aboard Flt 2921, recounts:
“There was a 27-year-old college student in 12B who was crying hysterically. I went over to
help and noticed that his comfort gerbil was crushed under the weight of the obese man next
to him when the plane touched down. The other flight attendant rushed to the flight deck to
see what happened and as the door opened, the pilots were high-fiving and making ‘one-wire
jokes.”

United Airlines Chief Pilot, Jack McCann, understands that Naval Aviators fly jets that
regularly touch down in excess of 800 feet per minute aboard their aircraft carriers.
“These rates of descent are just too hard on our passengers and too hard on our planes. We
try to train these tendencies out of them, but it’s a culture thing. They’re brainwashed
and it’s hard to teach old dogs new tricks.”

This seems to be the final straw to break the camel’s back. Last month, United Airlines
maintenance workers filed a formal grievance against seven pilots, all former Naval
Aviators, who were caught opening panels and pre-flight inspecting their airplanes before
their flights. “It’s a clear gesture of distrust,” stated United Airlines Aircraft Mechanic
Jason Dant. Passengers are also becoming worried about safety practices when they see
pilots clambering over their airplanes and inspecting them.

Shannon Kelsey, of Laguna Beach, CA doesn’t feel comfortable seeing airline pilots concerned
over the plane’s status. “It’s like seeing the barista at Starbucks sip your drink before
serving it to you to make sure it’s actually a Java Frappuccino with vegan almond milk. It
makes me uncomfortable and a little offended.”

Former Marine Aviator Mike Highway just wants to make sure his aircraft is safe. “I’m not
sure what these freakin’ snowflakes are whining about. How would you like to fly in a plane
that’s probably been inspected by some 12-year old that just graduated from Embry Riddle,
makes $9 an hour, and lives with his mom? I’m not signing for that s**t without double-
checking it. I didn’t do it in the Fleet, and I ain’t doing that s**t now.”

As far as recruiting former military aviators, Davidson says she is encouraging more Air
Force pilots to apply. “Former Air Force pilots have been shown to gently guide their
aircraft through the sky. They use the automated flight control assistance capabilities on
our planes more regularly and aren’t accustomed to performing hard carrier landings. Air
Force pilots also don’t perform pre-flight inspections and tend to be more team-oriented.
We prefer a trusting relationship between members of the United Airlines Team and show our
valued passengers that our pilots are just as comfortable boarding alongside them from the
airport jet-bridge.”

category: general  date entered: 2021-06-08