Short Very Funny Ones
I too was once a male trapped in a female body…but then my mother gave birth.

If only vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

When I lost the fingers on my right hand in a freak accident, I asked the doctor if I would still
be able to write with it. He said, "Possibly, but I wouldn't count on it."

I woke up this morning determined to drink less, eat right, and exercise. But that was four hours
ago when I was younger and full of hope.

Anyone who says their wedding was the best day of their life has clearly never had two candy bars
fall down at once from a vending machine.

We live in a time where intelligent people are silenced so that stupid people won't be offended.

The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have begun asking humans to prove they aren't a
robot.

When a kid says "Daddy, I want mommy" that's the kid version of "I'd like to speak to your
supervisor."

It's weird being the same age as old people.

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to respond "CLOSE ENOUGH."

Last night the internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like
good people.

You know you are getting old when friends with benefits means knowing someone who can drive at
night.

Weight loss goal: To be able to clip my toenails and breathe at the same time.

After watching how some people wore their Covid masks, I understand why contraception fails.

Some of my friends exercise every day. Meanwhile, I am watching a show I don't like because the
remote fell on the floor.

For those of you that don't want Alexa or Siri listening in on your conversation, they are making
a male version; it doesn't listen to anything.

Now that Covid has everyone washing their hands correctly…next week…Turn Signals.

The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. The realist adjusts
his sails.

There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will find
this funny.

Reading gives us someplace to go when we have to stay where we are.

I have many hidden talents. I just wish I could remember where I hid them.

My new idea for a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself!

What do all Star Trek captains have in common? They all have three ears. A left ear. A right ear.
And a final frontier.


category: general  date entered: 2025-05-11