Alternative Definitions
The Washington Post recently published a contest for readers in which they were asked to supply
alternative meanings for various words. The following were some of the winning entries:

Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Carcinoma (n.), a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.

Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your
nightie.

Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Bustard (n.), a very rude Metrobus driver.

Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

Semantics (n.), pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood, including such things
as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book together just before vespers.

Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he
examines you.

Marionettes (n.), residents of Washington who have been jerked around bythe mayor.

Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

Frisbatarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck
there.

category: general  date entered: 2006-03-10