Pun Stories
Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the
league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tell's
bowled.


A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!" The doctor
calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."


A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if
they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day his supply of the birds ran out, so he had to go
out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake
them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting
gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.


A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a
tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of
constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye
and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"


Back in the 1800's the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and,
since they already made the cases for pocket watches, decided to market compasses for the
pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their
compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California.
This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"


A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment. A spokesperson
was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."


An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief
examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk hide and gave it to the chief,
instructing him to bite off, chew and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month,
the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The
thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."


A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town
register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely
saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."


There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin. One slept on an elk skin and the
third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant and the first two each had a baby
boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the
squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.


Three strings walked into a bar and sat down. One string got up and went to the bar to order a drink.
The bar tender told him we don't serve strings in here. So the first string went back and sat down and
told his friends. The second string got up and tried to order some drinks with the same result. Finally,
the third string messed himself all up to look disheveled and walked up to the bar to order some drinks.
The bar tender took a look at him and said,
"Hey, aren't you a string?" The string replied,
"Frayed knot."

category: puns  date entered: 2006-03-10